I just don't understand how it can happen. How can a person be one way most of the years of their life then suddenly do a 90 degree change. Their beliefs in what is right and wrong, their faith, the people they associate with...all changed...and not for the better! I realize that I tend to go through life with blinders on, refusing to see the bad in people, but when it is blatantly shoved in my face how am I supposed to react!? The only word that I can associate with any of it is disappointment. There are other words like, disillusionment, displeasure, distress, frustration, regret, failure, defeat and on it goes. I'm not saying the person is a failure but that I must have failed them in some way. Does it mean I don't care, absolutely not! Maybe I care too much!
I just can't let my life be driven or defined by what this one person is doing with their life. I can't turn my back on them but I can distance myself and in doing so it is quite literally breaking my heart.
If this person reads this post and understands who I'm speaking of, take heart, you're still loved but the chasm that separates us is getting wider and deeper and I'm at a loss as to what to do about it.
Monday, September 14, 2009
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2 comments:
Perhaps what you consider "shoved in your face" isn't about you, at all. Maybe nothing is done in any attempt to force anything down your throat, or even with you as a motivation.
And maybe none of it is about you. Maybe you've incorrectly assumed it is.
And what you see as change "not for the better" in all aspects is a matter of opinion and perspective, just maybe.
Why let disagreements create a chasm at all? That's the true disappointment here. People are going to be who they are going to be. You can ask them to adhere to certain standards in your own home, but you shouldn't really project your own worldview onto anyone.
Maybe the person you're speaking of has been crying out to you that they are simply going to live their life in the way they see to be right, and that this person doesn't think any difference of opinion is worth letting a gulf grow between you.
Just maybe that person feels like you play favorites, expect too much sacrifice (why does that person have to be the one who travels to see their family all the time? Why can't the entire family be expected to show up at that person's house every other year or so? Ever consider how second-rate such actions make that person feel?) Maybe that person feels judged or "less than" in your eyes because that person turned out to be who they are, not who you wanted to them to be.
How about simply accepting that someone is WHO they are, not WHAT they do? Maybe then you'll find there's no chasm at all. Because I'm sure the person you're speaking of loves you very much and is rather heart-broken that you'd allow such small differences to drive you apart. And I'm sure that person stands ready and willing to accept you, just as you are, if you can only extend the same courtesy.
And maybe, just maybe, that person is just as disappointed over your worldview, the things you say and the things you do, and worries just as much about YOU as you worry about them. Faith. Choices in life. Financial management. The people you associate with. Maybe you create a lot of worry, too. Have you considered that?
But the ball is in your court. You're the one who chose to refuse to make contact, knowing that right now, the Internet is all they have, given that person has a broken phone and all. Maybe you incorrectly assumed that this person doesn't want your e-mails. Maybe, just maybe.
Stuff to think about, I'm sure. Then again, I'm sure it's all be said before, has apparently fallen on deaf ears or been twisted out of context or assumed to be about YOU and not them? But still, stuff to think about...
Once again, we will have to agree to disagree. Never have I put the one above the other, in fact, if truth be told, more has been done for the other than the one.
As far as visiting, because of finances we have to travel where we can stay without involving a hotel/motel. So, playing favorites, I don't think so.
But, once again, it's all about ME and what I think isn't it?
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